When Silence and Excuses Become Complicity

* *TRIGGER WARNING **

It was an ordinary afternoon when *Maria boarded a matatu heading home from school. She sat by the window, happy to escape the chaos for a while. A boy, not much older than her, joined her, and they began a light-hearted conversation. What started as harmless small talk soon took a dark turn. The boy's hand brushed against her leg, and before long, it was on her breast. *Maria, shocked and scared, pushed his hand away, telling him to stop. But he persisted.

"Stop touching me!" she shouted, her cries caught the attention of the passengers. Heads turned, eyes glanced her way, but no one intervened. The boy smirked, unfazed, as if her protest was nothing more than a minor inconvenience. When she finally arrived at her stop, Maria hurried off the matatu, her heart heavy with the realization that no one cared enough to help.

*Maria walked home feeling violated and alone, too fearful to talk to anyone about what had happened. She knew the questions that would come: "What did you do to make him want to touch you ?" "Why didn’t you move sooner?" Society often shifts the blame from the abuser to the victim, asking women to take preventive measures as if men cannot control themselves. This mindset allows rapists to feel justified, and it silences victims like *Maria, who fear they won’t be believed or supported.

This isn’t just *Maria’s story—it’s a reflection of a much larger issue. The existence of rapists is enabled by those who excuse, justify, or ignore their behavior. Society often asks victims what they did to provoke such attacks, shifting the blame from the predator to the prey. Women are told to dress modestly and avoid certain situations as if their actions could somehow control the behavior of others. This narrative dehumanizes men, treating them as slaves to their impulses, while simultaneously stripping women of their self-will.

This toxic mindset creates a world where rapists feel emboldened, knowing that society is more likely to scrutinize the victim than hold them accountable. It’s a system where women are constantly told to take preventive measures—to wear modest clothes, to avoid certain places, to not provoke men—because, apparently, men cannot be expected to control themselves. The question we must ask ourselves is this: If self-control is meant for men also, why do we continue to excuse their lack of it when it comes to sexual violence? It's time to hold abusers accountable and stop enabling them through our silence. Until then, we remain complicit in a culture that allows such horrors to continue.

Every time we remain silent or shift the blame, we become accomplices to sexual abuse. By failing to call out the perpetrators, we perpetuate the cycle of violence and silence that allows these atrocities to continue. As Desmond Tutu wisely said, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.” It’s time to speak up, challenge these toxic narratives, and create a world where victims are heard, believed, and supported. Only then can we hope to end the cycle of abuse that Maria—and so many others—have endured. 

 " To anyone who has endured sexual abuse, please know that you are deeply seen and valued. Sending you all my love and strength 💖💪. Remember, it is not your fault, and you are not alone 🌟."

**Maria is just a character for the blog, any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.