No One Really Teaches You How to Grow Up

I’ve been thinking about how growing up is nothing like what we imagined it would be. Whether you’re 18, 22, or even 35 , we all seem to share that quiet shock of realizing adulthood doesn’t come with a manual. No one really tells you that half of it is just figuring things out as you go.

When I was about 11 to 12, I used to imagine what life would look like at 21 or 22. In my head, I’d be done with school, have a job (preferably one that lets me travel), and of course, have a lot of money. Because that’s the dream we were sold, right? Finish school, get a job, be rich, and live happily ever after.

Then I turned 18… and life said, "Niachie Huyo 😂"

Nothing I expected about adulthood actually happened. It was like my brain needed a hard reset. Bills appeared out of nowhere, food started costing real money, and suddenly toothpaste wasn’t magically restocking itself in the bathroom. Adulting doesn’t give you a soft landing , one day you’re asking for pocket money, and the next, you’re calculating whether you can afford milk and tissue in the same shopping trip.

Honestly, someone should’ve warned us.

And don’t even get me started on financial literacy. Whoever decided we didn’t need that in school owes us a national apology. Because why were we busy solving for x instead of learning how to save and budget? At some point, it hits you that your parents’ money, or that small stipend you get, won’t last forever. You either learn to work or life gives you a quick, humbling lesson in “how to stretch 500 bob until Friday😭😂.”

And the budgeting part? A never-ending heartbreak. You overspend on one thing and suddenly you’re choosing between data bundles and supper. It’s a balancing act that nobody properly prepared us for. One wrong move, and you’re on what I like to call a faith-based week  surviving purely on vibes and the inshallah hoping  that your next cash inflow comes through in time. That’s when adulting starts to adult😂.

The first few years of “welcome to adulthood” were honestly rough. I felt behind and to be honest, sometimes I still do. It often felt like everyone around me had something going on while I was just trying to find my grounding in this whole adulting thing. In my head, it was like people went for an “Adulting Masterclass” and I just didn’t get the memo.

But as much as I’ve envied other people’s pace, I’ve had to remind myself that we’re all on our own timeline. I know it sounds cliché, but it’s true. Life doesn’t unfold in the same rhythm for everyone. Some people are sprinting, others are walking, and some are just catching their breath  and all of that is okay.

I’ve learned that becoming isn’t about having everything together. It’s about finding peace in the process, even when you’re unsure. It’s about showing up, trying again, and giving yourself permission to grow slowly.

Sometimes progress looks like paying your bills on time. Sometimes it’s choosing rest without guilt. And sometimes it’s just surviving a hard week and reminding yourself that’s enough.

If I could go back to my 19-year-old self, I’d tell her to calm down. To breathe. To stop thinking she’s behind just because her journey looks different. I’d tell her that it’s okay not to have it all figured out , that growing up isn’t a race to the finish line.

I’d tell her to give herself grace, to let life unfold gently, to trust that she’s not lost ,she’s just becoming.

And that's the beauty of life .